


farewell my paradise | ushiten

by sleepykagz



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, End of the World, Falling In Love, Falling in Love at the End of the World, Friends to Lovers, Goodbyes, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:47:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28292595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepykagz/pseuds/sleepykagz
Summary: the world is ending around a suicidal tendou satori. there's nothing left for him. he has no friends or people who care for him, so why is ushijima wakatoshi sprinting through the rain for him?
Relationships: Tendou Satori & Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Kudos: 56





	farewell my paradise | ushiten

**Author's Note:**

> ⚠ TW || contains themes of suicide and self harm/hate ⚠
> 
> inspo. from 2 songs: panic room by au/ra and as the world caves in by matt maltese

tendou satori's hands shook furiously as he heard the last line from the reporter on the tv.

_today the world is ending. please, go be with the ones you love. farewell everyone._

and the tv went black. he brought his shaky hands to his eyes, wide and unfocused. tendou shivered and rocked in the corner of his dark room. he felt on the verge of pure panic.

_no. no. no._

but as tendou wrapped his arms around his legs and sobbed into his knees, he wasn't crying because he was scared of the world ending. no. that's what he had been wanting for a long time. he wept because of the wait for the world to end. the wait that would allow tendou to think about the fact that no one loved him and no one was coming to sit by his side. his body wracked with jolts and hiccups as he cried relentlessly.

he stared aimlessly out the window, silent tears streaming down his face, now red and puffy. after a while he coughed and ran to the toilet, throwing up the little that was left in his stomach. he spat, trying to get the foul taste off of his tongue. he gripped the door frame as he struggled to stand up and held his head. the world spun. he paced the room and ran his long, slender fingers taped from volleyball practice earlier that day through his mess of red hair. tendou had never had someone who loved him. no significant other to share his passions with and no family to comfort him. his phone lay flung oh his bed. there was no point in checking it. he knew there was no messages, no calls. stumbling back, he saw his pale wrist covered in scars and his hollow cheekbones in the mirror hanging from his door. 

_you're ugly and WORTHLESS. nobody cares about you, you should just die already._

the voice inside his head sneered. tendou doubled over, holding his stomach and gasping for air. he shook his head, squeezing his eyes closed and trying to ignore his conscious. the voice was right however, it had always been right. for 18 years it was always there, taunting him, jeering at him.how could anyone love a monster like him? he placed a hand on his bedframe, forcing himself to stare at the creature in the mirror. lanky limbs hung loosely at his side and his bones stood out under his shirt. as dopey grin sat on his mouth, but he wasn't happy. he looked like a clown, red hair, pale skin, sad eyes, what else did he need? but what he hated most he couldn't bring himself to look at.

_LOOK AT THEM YOU COWARD_

the voice spat, making tendou flinch, whimpering as he pried his eyes open, meeting the red, bottomless pits in the mirror. he cried out and threw a marble he found on the floor at his reflection, shattering the glass. pieces flew around him and he gazed at them, in some sort of trance. tentatively he reached for a shard, the voice in his head urging him on. he grasped the glass in his hand, and in a split second slit his wrists ever so slightly, watching the blood trickle down his arm. but it wasn't enough. it would NEVER be enough. 

_you know what to do.. GO YOU FOOL. DO WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE LONG AGO._

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

tendou burst out of his house, sprinting outside and wiping tears from his eyes. he knew what to do. the voice had been telling him for years. if no one was going to be there while the world ended, he would just end it himself. what was the point of staying alive anyone anyways? and quickly tendou found himself at the edge of the shiratorizawa bridge. he looked down at the raging water.

"NO ONE WILL MISS ME ANYWAYS!" he screamed, sobbing and pointing his head up to the sky, feeling the rain fall on his already wet cheeks. tendou didn't know when it had started to rain, but it didn't matter. his eyes hurt and he bit his lip. his vision went blurring and he squeezed his eyes shut. fiddling with his hands he thought, 

_am i really doing this?_

"TENDOU! NO!" a voice boomed from behind. tendou whipped around, his eyes opened wide as he saw ushijima wakatoshi sprinting through the rain. panic flashed across his face as he saw tendou on the edge of the bridge, and it almost looked like he was crying, but tendou couldn't tell. it was probably just the rain anyways. 

_no, no, NO, NO, NO, NO. NOT HIM, ANYONE BUT HIM_

of course it had to be ushijima. tendou flipped back around and dug his fists into his eyes. his head spun and he pinched his face until it hurt, leaving bruises. ushijima was the one person tendou knew would try and talk some sense into him. he was the only person tendou had ever loved and he was the last person tendou wanted to see right now. many nights tendou sobbed into his sheets, wondering what a life with him could've been like. tendou wished to be loved, to be held so close he could feel the steady rhythm of a heartbeat. however much ushijima had always been there for him, whether it was during his panic attacks or suicidal episodes, tendou knew he didn't really care for him. it was a one sided love, he was there because he had to be. that's why it hurt so much, seeing ushijima wakatoshi sprinting through the storm for him. tendou gripped a fistful of t-shirt by his heart. he could practically feel it splitting in half, the searing hot pain traveling through his spine. 

suddenly a large hand gripped his shoulder.

_no. no. stop, stop it,_

"STOP IT!" tendou yelled, wildly looking at the man behind him. he flung around and slapped ushijima's hand off of his bony shoulder. he breathed heavily as his hands pulled at his hair, flat against his head from the rain. his breathes quickened, becoming forced and panicked. "I KNOW YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME SO STOP. STOP WITH THE PITY. JUST LET ME DIE," he bellowed, hyperventilating and his voice becoming hoarse, "please... just let me go," tendou whimpered, collapsing and clinging to the railing. he sobbed, tugging and gripping ushijima's pant legs through the metal fencing.

"...you know i can't do that," a deep voice said softly after a moment. ushijima leaned down and grabbed tendou's scared wrists, planting a soft kiss against each one of them. he hopped the fence and pulled tendou into his chest, putting his large arms around tenou's slim waist. he sunk down to the ground and sat the redhead in his lap, tendou snaking his cold finger behind ushijima's neck. he straddled ushijima's thighs and as ushijima wrapped his arms tighter around tendou's delicate hips, he sighed in relief. he let his head droop onto tendou's shoulder, taking in the sent he'd learned to adore. tendou pushed his nose into the groove of ushijima's jawline and shook like a leaf in the wind, crying and bringing his legs up to wrap around ushijima's torso. ushijima's heart throbbed when he felt tendou's nose touch his jaw and his nimble fingers bury themselves in his short hair. he felt his long eyelashes against his cheek , wet with tears. flushing their bodies together, ushijima stood up, moving his hands under tendou for support as he walked. tendou moved his head to lay in the crook of ushijima's neck, his breath shallowing as he feel peacefully asleep, hugging ushijima tightly. ushijima felt his soul break in two as he saw tears drop down tendou's pale cheeks, wiping them away with his thumb. "lets go home satori.."

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

tendou woke with a jolt. was he.. laying on something? ushijima's upper body was propped up against the wall, letting tendou sleep on him. he lifted his head from ushijima's chest and looked down to see himself in his friends lap, legs intertwined with each others. tendou's arms wrapped tightly around the spikers toned torso and he blushed as he felt ushijima's hands on his slender hips. 

"good morning," ushijima smiled, gazing at tendou.

"h-how long have i-"

"just an hour. it's ending soon, i can tell. i knew you would ask that," ushijima chuckled and squinted to look at the bright sky in front of them.

tendou didn't recognize where they were. all he remembered was the dark, booming sky and the bridge. it wasn't his house or ushijima's, and it was bright and sunny. he concluded they were on a roof, under the overhang. 

"why are we here waka?" 

"wakatoshi," tendou began when nothing came from ushijima, "i have no family. i have no one who loves me. but you, you welcomed the weird kid without judgment. and you, after all of these years still stay by my side, even when you could spend your last day with all of the people who you love and who love you. so thank you," tendou smiled. ushijima gave him a curious look and tilted his head.

"tendou, what are you saying?"

"what i'm saying wakatoshi," tendou sighed. why was he doing this? "is that i love you. i've loved you since the day i met you. and knowing that, please, go. please spend the last moments you have with the people you love. i cant let you- you spend the little t-time you have left with a m-monster like m-me," tendou struggled to say through tears, turning away.

"stop. stop it satori," tendou blushed at the use of his given name, and for the first time looked up to see ushijima. what tendou saw surprised him. he saw the stoic wakatoshi ushijima blushing. and not just a pale pink on the apples of his cheeks, but a bright red that reached its way up to his ears. tendou brought a hand up to cup his cheek and ushijima leaned into it, closing his eyes and continuing to talk. "why would you say such a thing about yourself? why do you assume i don't think the same of you? you are not a monster satori, and you never have been. would you like to know when you stole my heart?" ushijima asked, bluntly and in all seriousness. tendou laughed quietly. he'd expected the straightforwardness, but never expected ushijima to be so cheesy.

"i- what? s-since when- "

"i'm taking that as a yes then?" ushijima opened his eyes at the absence of an answer and tendou nodded until he thought his head would fall off. "it was when you asked me about my father. you were curious when everyone else pitied me. ever since then you never stopped talking and asking questions. i adored it. i knew when you started hurting yourself. it took a piece out of me every time you came to practice and i saw the scars on your wrists and the bruises on your back. and everyday since i met you i watched your smile falter a little bit more and the bags under your eyes grow bigger. all i wanted was to protect you and i failed. so when you didn't respond to my calls or messages i knew exactly where you were. you think you're worthless tendou, but your everything to me. i can't live without you, i would miss you satori. i know you. i know your mannerisms and how your brain works. so i can't let you go, i couldn't let you jump off that bridge. because i l-love you," he looked into tendou's eyes and smiled a real, genuine smile, something only tendou had ever seen. a single tear rolled down ushijima's cheek as his golden eyes looked at him. he played with tendou's hair and leaned in to touch their foreheads. "i always liked your hair down," ushijima murmured and rubbed his nose against the red heads. tendou wiped a tear away from ushijima's face with a slim finger and intertwined one of their hands. their lips met and their hearts felt full, sparks seeming to fly. tendou felt ushijima place a hand under his chin, and all too soon, out of the corner of their eyes they saw the blinding light hurtling toward them. tendou closed his eyes and breathed deeply, holding wakatoshi tightly. 

"farewell my paradise," tendou whispered to ushijima, tears slipping down their cheeks. they made no sudden movements, and the only noise was the sounds of shallow breathing and hearts beating. foreheads pressed together, they met each other's eyes, warmth radiating from them and shining brightly. they weren't sad about the circumstances. everything would end eventually anyways, so why not have peace? together, even in the midst of the world crumbling around them, even though everything they had ever know was disappearing, the pair smiled as the light engulfed them. 

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE KNOW SUICIDE AND SELF HARM IS NOT THE ANSWER please get help if you are struggling. you are loved 💘


End file.
